Newspapers / The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, … / Dec. 9, 1909, edition 1 / Page 1
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I i I 1 ' f I i - . - , CLUB RATES. I ; Tearly Subscriptions In Clubs of Fire, 75 cents. . J ISSUED BI-WEEKLY. STMOT.T? QTTnerDTiyrTnMe 30 CENTS A YEAR. X MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, THURSDAY, DEC. 9. 1909. VOL. XV. NO. 25. . -" I - !-? 3 r 1 ' k 1 Eli T ucker h rr it LE B E RRY KXOB CORRESPONDENT HOOK "WORM FAD, PELLAGRA, CRANKS ALL SK1JNED BLOOD RAW 4ud the Free Trade, Free' Silver and Imperialism Democrat get theirs. Huckleberry Knob, N. C, December 7th, 1909. , j . Editor Yellow Jacket, i' My Dear Sir: Well, by gatlins, I reckon you and the readers of the Yel low Jacket had. about come to the con clusion that I hdd fallen a victim to the new disease known as pellagra or that a devilish hook worm had me backed up in a corner calling for some of John Rockeyfeller 's pale blue oil But not so. Since my last let ter in October I have been as busy as a guinea-' hen chasing -a grass hopper. I've been gathering corn, sowing wheat, going to cornyshuck ing, hog killings and molasses boil ings and other things, too tedious and numerous to mention. And in the mean time the world has been sliding along at a pretty lively gait. The President completed his swing around the circle, Rockyf eller coughed up a cool million to be used in chasing the dad gummed hook worms out of the South, Nickerawger (I reckon that is the way to spell it) got its tail over the dash board, the Prohibition ! a mendment in Alabama got such a lick in the tummy that it hasn't shown any signs of life yet, and William Jemminy Bryant has diskivered a bran-fired new paramount issue by declaring for Pro-high-bish-un, by gad sir.- - I. Instead of ever hearing the sonorous voice of the great fried chicken dis penser exclaiming in his plagarized Pithian rhetoric : "You 'shall not press down upon the brow of labor this crown of thorns, you shal lnot cru cify mankind upon a cross of gold," we may expect to hear something like this: You shall not press down upon the stomach of man a schooner of beeivyou shall not deluge' the human j race in a sea of rot gut." But just whether the red-nosed portion of De mocracy . will give him the rousing ovation that the silverites did at the Chicago convention vremains to j be seen. "However this may be, I would love to see a kodak picture of Billey's face as he read the returns from the election on the prohibition amend ment in Alabama. I'll bet itvlooked worse out of skew than the face of a Georgia nigger with thirteen hook worms securely anchored in the bot--tom of his pedals. But it takes all thes shifting scenes and new sensations to keep the "world going and the people provided with' something to think over and to talk a bout. Political parties must have is sues or they take the dry rot. Bry an being the leader of Democracy it was up to him to invent a new issue to keep th$ Dems from curling up on the floor. Just like John ! D. Hockey was by his almost countless millions. Hisscods of gold were a dead load on his hands until he got a great excitement set up over the "hook worm" and. then offered his friendly assistance by donating a million dol lars to chase these "living fish hooks" out of the South. Any mortal man who would be taken in by this "hook worm" nonsense ought to be bored for the simples and bored deep. Dr.. Stonewall Jackson Brown stopped in for dinner at my house last Wednesday and in the course of con versation I asked him if he didn't think this "hook worm" talk was a roaring farce. Doc turned pretty red in1 the face and began snapping his eyes like a frog eating fire j and then replied "Most assuredly not." Why, Eli, it-would be folly to doubt such a thing, since a million dollars has been given by Mr. Rockeyfeller to help fight the dreadful parasite." I said no more. ! 1 But of course thousands ! of People are going 'to believe this "h ook w o r m" scare, j'ust because they have read the ! ac counts in some newspaper and be cause a man with countless wealth gave a million of his cash to fight this supposed or imaginary monster. Some people will believe anything - they see in print. ' - Dal. Fiddlebeth, wholives about three miles from jaie, was frightened so badly recently that he turned gray headed in two days because he tread n a newspaper where somebody had .declared that Halley's comet would .strike the earth next spring and burn the thing up root and branch. But I s?w Dal a ,few days later and quieted his nerves by telling him that the vsest of astronomers had-agreed that comets are "airy nothings," j that 'nmtaneously with the appearance t Halley's comet" in 1835, certain franks predicted all snrtf? nf Mlami- Jjes, and some the end of the world, tuat with the appearance of the, great cornet of 1811 with its flowing i head t something like one million and a MUdrter miles in diameter and its? tail S"eeninC h3fV nvor nT Vitiiii1ia4 vi1 Jion miles, the inhabitants of Russia mstory we read that dread and tear izea the inhabitants of th earth with the appearance of any of the si eat comets. I informed Dal that "j. . . I s i i s Letter. COMES LOADED THE I AND H ALLEY'S COMET alley's comet according to the best o' calculation, had plowed its! way ir to the Solar System, right through ti e path of the earth's orbit and made ft 3 perihelian round the sun over h ilf a hundred times since the flood a; id that it had never yet created as uuch disturbance to the inhabitants a! any part of the earth as one term of a Bryan administration would to the inhabitants of the United States. This made Dal so heartily ashamed or his idad. gummed ignorance in be lieving every fool story he reads, that he went home and tried to re store his hair to its former color by making up a solution of nitrate of sil- v pr and having his wife sponge his ead. The acid ran down on Dai's eck and face and almost killed him. So he sent for Dr. Jackson Brown who came and discovered the ter ribly discolored skin, but never ask ejd Dal a question, and now by gat lings, what do you suppose Drj Jack son Brown, the fellow who declares the "hook worm" is a reality says is the matter with Dal. Fiddlebath? He telegraphed to the State Board of Health, saying, one of his patients Dal. Fiddlebath had developed, a cangerous case of pellagra, and the i ext day five other doctors were sent to make examination of the new pellagra patient, and they all came f way looking solemn and declare that Mr. Rockeyfeller should give another lllion to help fight the dreaded lague or this South country is oomed. Mr. Editor, I have often wondered hether we are much ahead I of the arbarians of olden times or not. For instance, when an eclipse of the sun f r mon would occur back yonder the terror-stricken inhabitants would peat on drums and pans and blow horns, thinking they would frighten away the imaginary monster that was trying to destroy their .light; they would offer upspecial prayers when he head Mght-of a great comet hove n sight; Ithey would go into connip lon fits with the advent of a meteoric shower. And how much better are we?" ' Some so-called "leader in med- oal science" declares that eating corn bread causes a terrible disease called 'pellagra," and such people as Dal. 'iddlebeth drop their good old corn odger as if it was posessed with brty leven devils; another fame- ungry fool starts the "hook t worm' craze, a vast sum of money is forth- with appropriated to handle the pest and we sit down on our tails like pnonkeys and begin to hunt in the bottom of our feet .for a devilish worm that is said to be boring its way right up thru our bottoms and letting all 'our vitality and manhood leak out. Don't it beat the devil and chain light ning And that is not all. Another wise guy discovered that what is the mat ter .with us is that we are suffering from a lack of the free coinage of silver just dying for bimetalism and the people these very folks who would poke fun at the savages for tooting ram's horns at bur eclipses begin to run frantically about squall ing "free silver," "free silver," till they wear their . lungs to a j frazzle Suddenly, they discover their folly els Dal. Fiddlebeth did, then they pour the gold cure on their heads. But then along comes Dr. So and So"hnd he vants a. job so he declares that this coufounded tariff is what's tne matter. Another caso of pellagra; Another "hook , worm", discovered; an imperialism germ seen hiding out behind the smoke house. And I could go on and on, but think about this till next issue, Mr. Editor, and then I'll give you and your readers something hot worth while. Yours truly, ELI TUCKER. Candidate for .Fool-Killer, p DAGGER SIGNALS. First the doctors tried to fright us With this 'ere "appendicitis," But we still kept on livin,1 jest the same; . I Then "pellagra" came, an surely That would kill us prematurely, And the poor old corh-cake had to bare the blame; . ' ' But we didn't ,fear no danger v From this new-imported stranger, Art' in spite of all, we seemed to live an' thrive. Now the latest information That is sprung upon the nation Says the hook-worm" sure will eat us up alive. JAMES L. PEARSON. If the Standard Oil Company is "put out of business as is suggested it, simply means that some new kink will be sprung. As long as mankind worship Gold as its God just that long you. are going to : find -some j hook or crook to pile up the stuff Here's Our Greed: "We will speak out; we will be heard, Though all. earth's systems- crack; We will not bate a single word Nor take a letter back. "We speak the truth and what care we For hissing arid, for scorn, While some faint gleanings we can see Of freedom's coming morn? "Let liars fear, let cowards shrink, Let traitors turn away; Whatever we have dared to think That dared we also say." This is The Yellow -Jacket, the only thing of its kind published on earth. " Its temperature is 200 in the shade. It preaches Republican gospel so straight that every issue brings many old moss-back Democrats to the mourner's bench In a trot. It "gits 'em goin' ..and cominV It retails to Democrats, Republi cans and Socialists at 30 cents a year and circulates over all the United States. If you don't like it you dcm't have to take it. If you do like it you are hereby invited to subscribe to-day. . The Yellow Jacket has passed the teeth-cutting stage. It Is now over 13 years old and getting older every two weeks. There are no life-insurance feat ures connected with it. You merely pay your 30 cents and take it whether you like it or not. Then you will take it again. You always get what you pay for; then the paper stops. We treat all ' our subscribers this way, even the President of the United States. The Yellow Jacket don't crawl be hind a tree to talk. It don't bust its crupper holding back to first see what somebody else is going to say. It has no "ax" to grind. Everybody in the United States ought to take The Yellow Jacket. a i All Republicans ought to take it be cause it is helping to fight their po litical battles.. Every Democrat should take it to keep track of the rascality and devil ment; of his party. Every Populist should take, it be cause it points out the only way to his political salvation. Every howling Socialist should take it because it will point out to him the j absurdity of his wild-eyed, wind- broken, womper-jawed, stringy-talieu, seed-ticky, diabolical dreamy delu sions. And everybody else ought to take it because each issue will be chuck full and sloshing over with Originality, Fun, Sarcasm and Logical Reasoning. When you read this copy pass it along to your neighbor, if you love one another; and if you don't make a bulff anyway, and try jt. The politics of The Yellow Jacket in the future, as in the past, will be Republican. However, we- belong to no man and shall reserve the right to be as independent as a hog on ice on all matters that come up for public consideration. The editor may not be making The Yellow Jacket quite "rip-snorting" enough to please you owing tQ our having so much other work oil hand, but, beloved, bear with us till after Christmas and we'll then try to warm up to our subject and give you some of the .pure stuph stuph with the stinger in it. Tejl all your neighbors about us and get! 'em in line for the fuu. -Eli Tucker will continue to be a correspondent.' Some of his letters will be worth the "price of the paper for a year. ' And you can't afford to miss those "Letters from the Devil" and "Demo cratic prayers" which will be a spe cial feature of ThLYow Jacket It takes great strings of words and some money to run The Yellow Jack et You help scare up the "chink" and we will endeavor to furnish the "chat." , mn t If you receive a copy of The Yellow Jacket itris an invitation to subscribe. You will get more fun and derive more information for 30 cents than in any other way -youcould spend it. If you can use a few sample copies drop us ii card-a , The more Y. Js you circulate the more votes you make for the G. O. P. Now, we want to ask you to send nn. - nnViPATinfinn tr this DJl- Send us a club if you can. per. we want to also aslc you to send along a list of your neighbors whom yoa thinfc might, subscribe, rmvSo ta nskine a good deal of your isn't it?" Well, ask something of us. hi: Republicans, Democrats, So cialists, White Men, Black Men and Indians- The Club Price of The Yellow Jack et is Now Reduced to 1 5 Cents a Year in Clubs of Five or More. Renewals received the same as New Subscribers. Xo stamps taken.. This offer stands till Christmas. Improved machinery, and the advan tages of a growing subscription list te highways and )emocrats r i ' Round 'em up. Remember the rates 75 cents for a club of 5. So let 'em roll. Altogether for a Million. . . WE SAW IT. DONE. One day last week the editor of The Yellow Jacket, having finished the greater part of the pure stuph for this issue and being tired of reading of the Zelayan' revo lution, the sugar scandal, the defeat of the Alabama - amendment, what Walter Wellman thinks of Cook and Peary, etc., etc., we concluded to take a stroll of about two miles to the shops of the famous W. C. Meadows Mill Company where we saw some thing next - to a mechanical miracle performed. Starting in at one end of the long building we witnessed the evolution of a complete corn meal mill from the rough lumber and the rough stones to a finished machifre. We saw the rough timbers, cut up, dressed, shaped, bored and fitted into a frame, saw the iron works turned, bored and polished; saw the babbit ting cast, the stones banded and fur rowed; saw the corn cleaning, the sifting and sacking apparatus pre pared, and all thes various parts and appliances assembled into a complete, trained portable corn mill, all in the brief space, of one hour. And that's what we propose to term a mechanic al miKSjalAi mills for simplicity in running, quality of meal, capacity per hour, small ness of power, and all round satis faction. The smallest size doesn't, occupy more space than a kitchen stove, and will grind four bushels of meal per hour with five horse power. They are made in four sizes to fit the needs of different purchasers. Any kind of power from five horse power up will do excellent work. Thousands of these mills are going out to the corn sections all over the nation and fortunate is the corn bread user who owns and uses one of the.-; 3 mills. Good corn bread is the finest article of food in the known world. The first step to good corn bread is perfectly pure, well ground meal. The Company is not paying us to write this article. It doesn't even know we are writing it. but we do it because it affords us pleasure to use space to tell our friends )f a worthy industry almost at o-trdor that has sprung up from almost nothing three years ago to what it is to-day. For over a year we have carried in our advertising columns an advertise ment of these mills. If you would know more about this mill it would pay you to drop the Company a post al card for theip handsome catalogue. See. advertisement on second page of this paper. ; TELI IT. AROUND. Remind younneighbor that we pro pose with the beginning of the New Year to fill The Yellow Jacket so full of things rare and good that all the thinking part of American creation will want it. We expect to hand out enough Republican gospel each issue to save the meanest Democrat that ever wore shoe leather. And that is not all. There will be social sermons from the editorial tripod, paregoric solutions for the bellowing kids of Democracy, spankings for the harden ed old political sinners, great doses of early risers for the sleepy sons and daughters of opulence and idle ness and bountiful sluices of the e lixir of life for those who like to see hypocrites skinned, gas .bags Y U 1 Hill I punctured, rascals gaiavaP liacjhe & law. juads that "will oust 'ea, , , .ts All ! enabla us to make this low price. it every blessed subscriber to this lyand do it now. We want a million ou know it will be no trouble to get . Begin to-day. Clean up your neigh- hedges, and don't forget those deluded lampooned, straddle bugs smashed, fa natics fumigated, demagogues de molished, the meddler's itch eradi cated and devils dehorned. As a present reader of the Yellow Jacket we ask you to make it a point to" se cure us at least five newsubs to set in with the first issue in January. We want to make 1910 a red letter year with this paper, both in pomt of circulation and richness of read ing matter. Brother, we have got tb have your cooperation if we do this. So fall to work and give us a little shove and do it to-day. Don't wait till tomorrow. Remember "to mor row" ruined Napolean. -p - GLAD OF IT. The Yellow Jacket is glad to see Uncle Joe Cannon reading the riot act to the insurgents the populists, so cialists and bellyachers masquerading as Republicans. We are glad the old man has nerve enough to declare that they are not Republicans .that they are masquerading asT such without license or authority. The Republican party has no room for dreamers and kickers. If a man wants to let the government own tho railways and bust the country, let him et out of the Republican party to Jay so. it ne wants to aeciare every ich concern a menace to the country et him get outside and shed his skin. "he Republican party does not bc- ieve that. The Republican party believes that trusts should not be allowed to op press people, or operate in restraint of trade. It believes railways should be regulated. It has confidence in the people and confidence in the laws. It believes that tariff should be lev ied to protect Americans and Ameri can industries and it is opposed to free trade and free labor. And Uncle Joe Cannon ljas be. en handing out some wholesome doct rine here of late. He stands up and publicly denounces such men as La- Follette, Bristow and Cummins for he knows that LaFollette simply does his grand stand stunts in order to advertise his monthly paper which is a menace itself to well ordered con ditions, and ho knows .Cuinmins wants to be something bigger than he no' is out in Iowa. -Uncle Joe is wise in his day and generation, wiser than any of the little jay birds that snap at him. The Republican party was build ed by men of the Cannon str.mp the rugged, sturdy and honest men who mggr yielded tr .na-,p!ri nf the 1 1 s 4 rvpiiuses us we say. DleasessTxyruT much to see Uncle Joe stand up and denounce his accusers and name them Lout in meeting. It all argues well for tne arty. With uncle joe warms the mask off the disguised Demo crats in tne camp and Loeb pulling the mask 'off the thieves in the gov ernment service, the Republican party Is in fine shape better than for a long time. And what is most pleasing about it all is the Democrats can't say a blamed thing exdept to chirp now and then about the robber tariff and no one of them knows anything about that- If any of them did know they would favor protection even as tho South to-day wants protection. - The Sherman anti-trust law is not all it should be , but it is worth some thing, and from It there will finally
The Yellow-Jacket (Moravian Falls, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Dec. 9, 1909, edition 1
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